"How do I get over my ex?"

Every so often, someone asks a question about a specific situation, and some advice I give strikes a chord. I record those here, just in case you’re going through something similar.

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“Ten minutes after once I got home, I texted him, called him from two different numbers, WhatsApp’d him, and emailed him.

It is seriously the most painful thing ever. I am literally crying as I’m typing this.”

Yeah, you’ve gotta shut down that contact.

Shut. It. Down.

Text it all to me, or call me, or keep a note going in your phone of all the things you wanna say.

Do not contact anyone close to him.

It doesn’t feel good because it’s not healthy, it’s not serving you.

You are trapped in attachment and it’s driving you crazy. You’ve gotta pull yourself out of this thought spiral.

Yeah, the things that you just need to say, say them to someone, not to him.

Boys, friends, they’re a bonus. They’re the reward for doing the work on yourself to feel whole and complete and worthy.

What you’re experiencing is called yearning.

It’s draining.

Not good or bad.

But it’s distracting and draining and usually doesn’t serve.

But like all emotions, there’s a message of healing in there.

The message is: spread your energy around. Just like you can’t eat only toast, you have to feed your soul with lots of different energy. It takes a lot of effort, which is why you have to be very discerning about who you spend time around - they need to uplift you, and you should feel lighter after you spend time with them.

Allow space for hurting and missing him. Know there is more. Feel the hurt. Tap back into the higher part of yourself.

The issue isn’t that he’s a bad person or bad for you.

It’s that he triggers your attachment issues and brings up yearning. THat’s the lesson to be learned here. How to watch those emotions without letting them control you.

You get to have him, or someone like him, in your life when you can watch your emotions without letting them control you.

The way to do that is by taking care of yourself.

Here’s how to do that.

You’re not alone.

We’re all here to support you.

Just keep telling yourself: I can do this. I can do this.

Say it out loud through the tears.

You have nothing to lose.

That’s what’s got you all turned around.

You can’t lose someone.

You never found them.

They’re just a lesson in compassion.

Here’s how to build compassion so this feels easier:

A very simple, short Lojong meditation.

And here’s what to do when you’re breaking down in public and have GOT to get your shit together:

A short, simple belly exercise for when you're breaking down and you have GOT to get your shit together. (Or first thing in the morning. That helps prevent the future breakdown.)